Monday, 18 September 2017

Can it get any worse?

I think out of 365 days, on this 18th day of September, this one may very well go down as the worst of 2017. Let me begin from the disappointing news that  yet another morning has passed and I have been unsuccessful in waking up at 5 a.m. But I think the worst part is, for the past two days I have literally just lay there; I have not so much as switched on the lights, done a light stretch to get my limbs going even the thought of making my bed doesn't cross my mind. I simply just lay there after my alarm goes off, contemplating God knows what and end up convincing myself to go back to sleep.

The reason I am so hard on myself is I honestly have no excuse or reason to be in bed past 5 a.m but have every reason to be awake catching up with my life as it just seems to be flying past. Group assignments and the unit from hell, Research Paper are doing my head in. Then, there's work which just between us, I can't deal.I can't deal with both. Something has got to go. I mean it's obvious which one has to, but the mind,body and soul want one thing yet the financial situation wants another. You see my not so little predicament?

Anyhow, I managed to wake up at my usual 7 a.m. well, 6.57. But that's beside the point. I get dressed and proceed to do some schoolwork regardless of the fact that one hour is barely enough to get anything done. The plan was to put my proposal in order,  I come to the daunting realization that I had missed, to be fair, a  small part of what was going to put this paper to bed. That completely threw me off, this was the beginning of everything just spiraling out of control.

My favourite Ralph-Lauren navy blue pants ripped right down the middle leaving me with a gaping hole right around the crotch area. It's not much of a problem but those pants gave me that Monday morning Umph! I needed. I then had to settle for another pair of blue pants with an ill-fit around the lower hip area. For a long time I used to be the person who would be all about the silver lining, but that was a lot more fake it, a lot less make it. I have been basically living a lie and today I choose to be a sourpuss, I just want my Ralph-Lauren pants!

Just when I thought I had put a cap on Monday Blues I made yet another mistake. I got on the wrong matatu to school, so I had to walk for what seems like a mile in the scorching Nairobi sun for that matter since of course I wouldn't be alighting at my usual stop. I had the right shoes on or whatever but I deserve better.

While I was walking in a huff, my phone also dropped, go figure. Thank goodness I don't have any of these fancy-shmancy smart phones because I have a feeling I would be in tears over a cracked screen,right about now. For a minute, well twenty, but whose counting? my brick phone refused to register my sim card. I inserted and re-inserted that SIM goodness knows how many times, until I realized I was the problem. I had been inserting it the wrong way round all along. Yes, again, not a big deal I could have easily gotten that sim replaced if all else failed but I'm gonna mope and nothing and no one will stop me.

The cherry on top though, the group presentation from hell. If we are going to be honest we deserved the slack  we got. It's fourth year after all. The lesson however that I took away from this, which has taken a full academic year to sink in, no lecturer expects you to regurgitate what they already know, research above and beyond the Andes Mountains, be thorough to the core in your written and oral presentations. That message has been delivered loud and clear to my mind, before it was just hangin' out between my ears.

I was going to be real petty and say what somebody said/did to me this evening post-presentation but 5 years of being a collegiate, 5 years? I'm practically a senior citizen in this game, I'm tired folks, I really am. 2017 I made a point of affirming to myself that one time is enough to cross me, once that line is crossed, it's cancelled, it never happened but perhaps most importantly you're cancelled, you never happened. That is exactly how I feel about that "situation".

I had to look past that real quick and scurry my sorry self to work, sit behind my desk, smile and make pleasantries to everybody that walked in and out of the door and move on from the pretty crappy day, well mostly the "situation"  that was. Yeah, little girl, that's what grown women do.

I would be lying if I said that I am not on the verge of tears and calling it quits especially when I think about that class presentation and how I am destined for either a D or to work my head off in the hopes of scraping through that unit.

A lot more has happened because a bad day isn't just made up of a bad moments but more than that. The system at work was hella slow which I wasn't completely mad at as that meant a lot less work for me this evening but a lot more tomorrow.

Is it just a bad day or the beginning of a bad week and things yet to come?

Have a good one!

(at least one of us should)   

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