Thursday, 21 September 2017

Night

It's pretty hard writing this. I'm not particularly sure why I'm even forcing myself to do this. For closure maybe.

Death is so cruel. It turns your world completely upside down but the worst part is, life is the complete opposite, it just keeps moving, stopping for no one. Today, that makes me so angry.

You were my number 2 cheerleader when I almost got into ALA, of course dad takes first place when I thought I was the change that Africa needs. Maybe even the best thing since Madiba.

You opened your home to Sakii, Mom, Dad and I giving us one of the best Christmases ever down south,

The black forest cake we had for breakfast and you even let Dad watch his cartoons,

 You came through with the festivities, from the food, to the party and the friends you helped us make while we were there.


And what about the time you asked if you could bring me back some McDonalds but I couldn't say yes because Mom kept giving me 'the look' and the jeans you gave me because they couldn't fit you,

Post-visit, you always asked when we'd go back.

When Dad has a business trip coming your way, you always came through with the gifts and always asked if we 1. liked them 2. if they fit. We all know it's all about how it looks on, never about it fitting right

Now, what if he comes back with the wrong-sized clothes?

Who will be among the top 10 participants on the family Whatsapp group? Top 2 is already taken by Mom and Dad

I can hardly bring myself to think about Christopher. He just turned 11 and to have this happen to him. I'm sure he is a strong young man but out of all of us he could have used you a little longer.

In a few months he'll have to mark the first Christmas without you, that just cuts me up inside

All his ever known is Jozi, I can't imagine him anywhere else. Pretty sure Zoro will hold it down but what if we never see him again?What if he'll never know us beyond knowing you?

We both know,  I don't call the shots in this family but I know whatever decision is made it will be for the best  and in your honour

Now whose going to be on Chris about making his bed the "right" way or tell us about him being the best in his Afrikaans class?

I feel so selfish now, having bawled my eyes out for you and I'm twice his age, I wish I so much as thought about him, said a prayer for him even 

 I'll  keep him in my prayers, everyday, no matter which way

It wasn't meant to go down like this. You're the youngest. This isn't the order we were prepared for.

I needed to buy black flats but not wear to a funeral, no less yours 

I remain angry, I don't understand. I mean we were never 'traditionally' close but you still meant a tonne to me 

I didn't want the last time I see you to be in a casket, I didn't want the first time back home in two years for me to be for a funeral, your funeral

You weren't supposed to come back like this

It has never been this quiet at home, even though you're presence was miles away your absence is making a mark

You'll be in good hands; Babu and Dani are up there so is Sport, Mama Pipi and Taabu

I'm worried for Dad, please look after him while you're up there

Us, we have each other,

Rest easy Aunt Night.

Wednesday, 20 September 2017

I'm making money, now what

I don't know about you but I definitely feel some type of way when I see a guy carry his girl's handbag. Yes, it's 2017, you can't label anything because everything is gender fluid but if you and me are in it, I'm carrying my own purse. For some dudes, I guess it's their version of a grand gesture but nah fam, my purse, my problem. However, if I'm carrying more than a purse? Get to carrying. That was my icebreaker of the day. On to why we are here today.

Let's talk about money. You either have it, or you don't. Just so you know, the universe does not care if you're on either end of the spectrum. Unexpected situations call for unexpected measures, most times an unexpected dent on the financial end. It's called an emergency folks and I feel like I have been in a bunch of these sticky situations.

Now that I think about it, those weren't even problems. They were more like speed bumps. I was broke, could barely afford lunch so if class happened to end at midday you wouldn't find me or my growling tummy hanging around campus, I'd make a beeline for home, read, free food. Back when I was in a college with a dress code, times were rough. On the flip side, with my limited options, getting dressed in the morning was pretty easy but when my clothes started to wear out, I don't even remember what I did. The solutions were easy then, I didn't have the money to do something about the situation so I would move on as if my life wasn't in shambles.

The irony is I am a step up, I'm not even going to downplay it, I am several steps up from where I was financially just a few years ago, can I get an Amen? Here is the ironic part though, even when I'm in a pickle now, I still get a little bit flustered on how I am supposed to deal. Now that I've said that out loud it seems to me that I did not have a plan and  I still don't have one and you know what they say, failure to plan is planning to fail.

This post was inspired by Joanna Kinuthia who is one of my  favourite Kenyan Youtubers and a rising star in her own right. In her most recent vlog, the girl seems to have drawn up quite a mean plan when it comes to this thing called money. Expenses first, loans second, savings third only then can everything else make guest appearances on your budget that month.

Here is a little expose on yours truly; all of last year all my money would go into my current account. I was saving in that account, spending from that account, goal setting based on that account and planning around that account. If I ever so much as spent even a shilling more I would run into a panic thinking that my financial life would crumble right before my very eyes.

My first six months of employment I enjoyed only a fraction of my pay. Then,  it clicked. My expenses can't even fill half a page. I am not paying rent, utility bills, student loans, other loans, car payments, insurance payments, tuition or maintenance fees. Just so you follow, that is what I am not paying. I may be the very epitome of living life like it's golden. All I do is sit pretty and pay security and the trash service every other month, contribute to my table banking and put money aside for my bus fair every month   and every few months shop for stationery and toiletries. Everything else is, pretty much, no man's land, where anything and everything goes.

Last year is when I came to this eye-opening discovery and went a little crazy spending wise. I mean my expenses barely scrape the surface so why not? Before I dug myself into a financial hole I pumped the brakes and figured that maybe, just maybe, putting all my eggs in one basket wasn't the brightest of ideas.

Earlier this year was when I made the decision to get my finances in order. I resolved to set up a savings account and invest in the money markets. It was only last month that my grand scheme of things were put to work and I will admit that it is still a work in progress; trying to figure out how to  make an account-to-account transfer and what not.

The lessons I learnt though:

Your first paycheck is not a license to go on a spending spree. Neither is your second or third. Live life like you were before. Spoil yourself here and there but everything in moderation. When you have quite the amount stacked up, though, start making the plans. Six months in is a good time frame to work with fastening your financial belt.

Have a separate savings account from the get go. Why? Most banks don't allow you to touch that for at least six months and if you do, be prepared to dig deeper into your pocket to pay off the penalty charge.

Don't just let your money sit there. Now that's just pointless. Banking, it already earns you a certain interest rate, so do that. Be in a merry-go-round or two, contribute then wait your turn. Of course, be in one with people of reputable character. You don't want to be in one with the guy who defers on payment every single month or the guy who just ups and leaves, get a couple of A1 day-ones and its only up from there. Invest in stock and bonds, with these things though it's more about having your change in all these venues doing something. The dividends are negligible sometimes none but interest in bonds that's something, 0.5% every three months. I can assure you that that is pretty solid. When you hit a rough patch sell your shares and if the stock market is doing well, you'll probably be going off having made a profit. This move was majorly inspired by Hove himself and these lyrics from The Story of O.J off the 4.44 album, sorry, platinum album:

Disclaimer: I may be singing a different tune if my stock does badly or interest on bonds is not paid out so until then use your discretion on this one.

My next few posts I hope to write on having an emergency fund, setting up more than one bank account  and my 2018 financial plans. These could be one post or a couple, depends on how the words will flow. But keeping with the purist school of thought, they are probably going to be a couple.

Until then though, do something worthwhile with your money today, no excuses.

Have a good one! 



Tuesday, 19 September 2017

How do you deal?

It is no secret that yesterday I had one of the worst days in the history of bad days. You can read all about that here. I was beyond ready to be Negative Nancy for the rest of the week, this may be me making a classic rookie mistake of speaking to soon but if today is anything to go by, I think I'll survive.

I am pretty hang up on the group presentation, still. How do I put this? The last two semesters have been pretty bad. And when I say last two semesters I mean my whole third year of university, the transcript looks horrible. Through out this whole college thing I have never been one to scrape through a unit. I make mostly Bs, sometimes Cs the occasional A. Somehow though, I've thrown some Ds on my transcript. There are units close to impossible to pass in my school so you kind of go in expecting a D. Who am I kidding? Sometimes you even pray for a D. The other units, let's just say I haven't been your model collegiate and a slack here, a half-assed assignment there, you can guess where I'm going with this . Now in my last year, any sign of an impending D is the smoke signal to pull myself up by my bootstraps.

It may be safe to say that I'm a little down in the dumps, though not really. Somewhere along the lines constant disappointment has either numbed the feeling or I've just gotten the hang of things. This is not a place you want to be; where reality hits and you have no option but to settle. That last statement there is one for the underclassmen. I will get into this in a separate post though.

So I'm in this little rut (or not), how do I move on, get over it, basically what do I do about it?

For one, be in your feelings for just a little while. At one point in time I was convinced that bad things were happening to me because I just so happened to have a rotten attitude. The obvious solution was to turn over a new leaf and be  Positive Polly. Except, that's not how it works.There are all these other things like the wear and tear of a pair of pants you love, silly mistakes, genuine mistakes, accidents, people, people and their actions. Believe it or not, your not your own Calamity Jane or John. It's not all or always you, that's why you're allowed to feel sad, angry, disappointed but only for a little while.

Adapt. So your favorite pants just ripped down the middle, change. You took the wrong bus and now you have to walk in the blistering sun all the way to your original stop, get off the bus and walk. You had a lousy group presentation and now the prospects of getting a D are pretty high up there, study.I say, allow yourself to be just a little bit salty in this whole adaptation process especially if you have to take immediate action. Ask yourself this, we all hate kids throwing tantrums in the supermarket right? But they vent out there frustration there and then, hours later it's like it never  happened. Let it out now instead of bottling up for later because when that lid comes off...

Take a step back. However you let out your frustration, do that. It's obvious, for me I write/blog and the moment I hit that publish button, it takes quite the load off. Maybe you go for a run, sleep, binge watch a series, read a book, play a video game or whatever you guys call them nowadays; do something to let off some steam. Otherwise, you may just end up taking the cup for douche of the year taking out your frustrations on everybody else.

Vent/talk. Mini-story time for y'all. So yesterday I go into my sisters room, of course I find her curled up watching 'Narcos,' aaah, the life of a freelancer and the moment I said, "You wouldn't believe the day I had," she put it on pause. That  meant a lot. I then went on and on telling her about the awful day that was which she gave her, I kid you not, undivided attention and more than that she even offered advise. Maybe I didn't have a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day after all.

Create a vibe. I changed into my pajamas when I came home from work, need I mention that they were my favourite pair of pajama bottoms. I turned on my fairy lights which mellowed down the mood perfect for turning in for the night. Since, I was pretty determined for yesterday's post to go up when it did, I got out my laptop and played some Underground Charisma in the background as I worked.

This channel is totally slept on, for now, in a good way. They have the perfect mix of everything, chill, jazz, trippy trap, old hip hop beats, feel good vibes in a nutshell. But this one did it for me yesterday. Brasstracks are my new obsession as of last evening and is it just me or can you hear Chance the Rapper jumping on this beat or what? Perfect combination to distance myself from the day that was.

Pray. I tend to say a lazy prayer every night. You know the one, you're already in your covers and no praying is going on especially if your dog tired, and slipping in and out of sleep as you say it. Yesterday was no exception, I don't know what I prayed for yesterday but judging from today something must have gotten through to the Big Man upstairs.

That being said,

Have a good one! 

P.S. turns out this channel isn't as slept on as I had thought, they just changed their logo and their thumbnails aesthetic.



    

Monday, 18 September 2017

Can it get any worse?

I think out of 365 days, on this 18th day of September, this one may very well go down as the worst of 2017. Let me begin from the disappointing news that  yet another morning has passed and I have been unsuccessful in waking up at 5 a.m. But I think the worst part is, for the past two days I have literally just lay there; I have not so much as switched on the lights, done a light stretch to get my limbs going even the thought of making my bed doesn't cross my mind. I simply just lay there after my alarm goes off, contemplating God knows what and end up convincing myself to go back to sleep.

The reason I am so hard on myself is I honestly have no excuse or reason to be in bed past 5 a.m but have every reason to be awake catching up with my life as it just seems to be flying past. Group assignments and the unit from hell, Research Paper are doing my head in. Then, there's work which just between us, I can't deal.I can't deal with both. Something has got to go. I mean it's obvious which one has to, but the mind,body and soul want one thing yet the financial situation wants another. You see my not so little predicament?

Anyhow, I managed to wake up at my usual 7 a.m. well, 6.57. But that's beside the point. I get dressed and proceed to do some schoolwork regardless of the fact that one hour is barely enough to get anything done. The plan was to put my proposal in order,  I come to the daunting realization that I had missed, to be fair, a  small part of what was going to put this paper to bed. That completely threw me off, this was the beginning of everything just spiraling out of control.

My favourite Ralph-Lauren navy blue pants ripped right down the middle leaving me with a gaping hole right around the crotch area. It's not much of a problem but those pants gave me that Monday morning Umph! I needed. I then had to settle for another pair of blue pants with an ill-fit around the lower hip area. For a long time I used to be the person who would be all about the silver lining, but that was a lot more fake it, a lot less make it. I have been basically living a lie and today I choose to be a sourpuss, I just want my Ralph-Lauren pants!

Just when I thought I had put a cap on Monday Blues I made yet another mistake. I got on the wrong matatu to school, so I had to walk for what seems like a mile in the scorching Nairobi sun for that matter since of course I wouldn't be alighting at my usual stop. I had the right shoes on or whatever but I deserve better.

While I was walking in a huff, my phone also dropped, go figure. Thank goodness I don't have any of these fancy-shmancy smart phones because I have a feeling I would be in tears over a cracked screen,right about now. For a minute, well twenty, but whose counting? my brick phone refused to register my sim card. I inserted and re-inserted that SIM goodness knows how many times, until I realized I was the problem. I had been inserting it the wrong way round all along. Yes, again, not a big deal I could have easily gotten that sim replaced if all else failed but I'm gonna mope and nothing and no one will stop me.

The cherry on top though, the group presentation from hell. If we are going to be honest we deserved the slack  we got. It's fourth year after all. The lesson however that I took away from this, which has taken a full academic year to sink in, no lecturer expects you to regurgitate what they already know, research above and beyond the Andes Mountains, be thorough to the core in your written and oral presentations. That message has been delivered loud and clear to my mind, before it was just hangin' out between my ears.

I was going to be real petty and say what somebody said/did to me this evening post-presentation but 5 years of being a collegiate, 5 years? I'm practically a senior citizen in this game, I'm tired folks, I really am. 2017 I made a point of affirming to myself that one time is enough to cross me, once that line is crossed, it's cancelled, it never happened but perhaps most importantly you're cancelled, you never happened. That is exactly how I feel about that "situation".

I had to look past that real quick and scurry my sorry self to work, sit behind my desk, smile and make pleasantries to everybody that walked in and out of the door and move on from the pretty crappy day, well mostly the "situation"  that was. Yeah, little girl, that's what grown women do.

I would be lying if I said that I am not on the verge of tears and calling it quits especially when I think about that class presentation and how I am destined for either a D or to work my head off in the hopes of scraping through that unit.

A lot more has happened because a bad day isn't just made up of a bad moments but more than that. The system at work was hella slow which I wasn't completely mad at as that meant a lot less work for me this evening but a lot more tomorrow.

Is it just a bad day or the beginning of a bad week and things yet to come?

Have a good one!

(at least one of us should)   
  

Friday, 15 September 2017

Why can't I wake up at 5 a.m?

For the past two weeks I have been faithfully setting my alarm for 5 a.m. And each time I'm hopeful that this time it is going to be different, I'm going to get out of my bed, for real this time and have a day that begins at 5 a.m, like the CEOs and the COOs, the movers and shakers we all crave to be. They tell us time and time again, how success does not come easy, we've gotta work for it.This folk, they do not get up at 5 a.m, they are at their desks by 5 a.m. They do not know of this foreign term, traffic, they just cruise by while us weaklings are still wrapped in our comforters getting the last few hours of sleep we can. It's truly embarrassing that in my twenties getting up at 3 or 4 a.m is not even a thought but for people well into their sunset years it happens to be second nature.

Yet, come morning,  every time that alarm goes off, I sprint for dear life across my bed to turn it off as if its going off is a capital offense. I mean sometimes my conscience has me turning off the alarm and standing around in my jammies in the dark, only the corridor light on and contemplating, 'Is it worth it?'' Is it though?' What's a few more hours of sleep? And a second later I return to the warmth that in the past few hours I've come to know so well.

I already consider myself an early riser.  I cannot sleep past 7 a.m. For a girl who would wake up at 11 am and leave the house for work at midday, I've made quite the 360, if I do say so myself. If you think about it, by midday, there is no more carpe diem. The day has been caught and there is no rewind button. This was the mentality I used to get out of sleeping well past 7 a.m, this and a video from CindyrellaOG. The fact that what I considered only a few hours, added up to whole days I mean in the long run it probably added up to a month maybe even a month and a half of just sleeping valuable time away. That should scare even the bravest of souls.

Waking up at 7 a.m came extremely easy. I set the alarm and I was up. But how is a meagre two-hour difference kicking my behind?

It is possible that there is some truth behind, early bed early to rise, but when I get home from work between 10 and 10.30 p.m there is no early to bed. I'll be honest, I have been known to indulge in a reality show episode or two, my way of taking a load off. So, again, there is no 'early to bed'.

I definitely feel like I've tried it all, yeah, two weeks into it, this is impatience at its finest. My alarm sits relatively far from me all in an effort to get my body physically out of bed, confronting the realities of life head on, no sugar coating, whatsoever. Even that does not seem to work. I'd let in some natural light like I do at 7 a.m but at 5 a.m, that's not happening. I'd crack open a window but again at 5 a.m that's quite a tall order.

Maybe I just need a routine; hit the lights when my alarm goes off, go for a run ok... jog, maybe a walk then. That will most definetely get the feel-good endorphins going, the blood flowing and the body alert, alive, awake ...8-4-4 kids you know I have to put this in there, enthusiastic. I can almost feel that fresh as a daisy vibe. Probably, take a bath, do my devotional and maybe, just maybe hit the books with some good music going. Heck, maybe even plan some content for this space right here. The world would be my oyster at this point.

I hate to report the obvious but it is much easier said, even written, than done. It's not a life and death situation if I don't get there but oh, the possibilities if I do. Another week, another try is all I can say.
Until then,

Have a good one!  
  

Thursday, 14 September 2017

Things are looking up

Survival is a priority at this point. In a span of 4 days, 4 days my friend out of 6 units 5 already have group assignments. It is insane and I have not seen the half of it. But you know what? Despite it all there is a silver lining. I thought I would have the supervisor from hell but I serve a living God. It is pretty weird putting God and hell in the same sentence. Anyway, I digress.

Turns out I was looking at the wrong list all along. The gag is, it was originally sent on Whatsapp and with all my not-so-good luck with all items electronic I am not on Whatsapp and as of Saturday my last hope of a mobile device, my tablet went kaput. Allow me to fill you in,

Saturday, myself and the tablet shared quite the goodbye. I pressed the start button. Nothing. Then the on button. Still nothing. Then the on button and the volume up button, just a blank screen. After a few hours of feeling sorry for myself and accepting the money I had spent on the darned thing had all gone down the train, I flipped back on its cover and put it far away in the depths of my bottom shelf never to be seen again. I am one with the fact that it is all gone and I will have to fork out quite the amount to buy myself a smartphone. For now I am oblivious of all things social media, especially the little obsession I had with Instagram.Isn't it poetic though, that a few weeks prior I was weaning myself off the good old 'gram and now the universe did the honours of taking it away from me cold turkey?

Fast forward to Monday, I intended to seize the day by all means. Sunday evening, I lay out my outfit of the day which would be a royal blue v-neck shirt, some plain black jeans/jeggings and one of my favorite black coats with a subtle blue lining and of course slip-ons. A hapless attempt of wanting to be taken seriously.

The intention was to get to school bright and early, 8 a.m to be precise. This plan also involved having my concept paper in hand. I was going to walk into his office with my idea of a power suit on, shove my concept paper in his hands and we were going to talk because I needed insight and insight I would get. The concept paper was never ready, something happened between Sunday afternoon and Monday morning which is just code for I took the  afternoon siesta of a lifetime. End of story.

If that wasn't enough I was barely able to get to school at the "ungodly" hour of 8 a.m, collegiates, you feel me? And by the time I rocked up at 10, courage in tow and knocked at his door, some guy, one of his interns I presume, tells me he is in Mombasa. Only, a few hours later I see the supposed guy who was meant to be on the sandy shores of Mombasa prancing around on campus grounds. In my efforts to get through to him, you know just being a studious scholar and that, I turn on stealth mode and follow him to his office. A few feet from his office door, maybe three, four steps tops, I say, "Excuse me, Mr X" and the response... when I finally get in his office I have to stand a one minute lecture on why I shouldn't be talking to people everywhere besides in their offices because, "...out there people are thinking about other things." Did I mention his whole office goes quiet and his intern team are just staring at me while I take all of this in?

You know what if you are a teacher, a lecturer, a professor, a facilitator basically the torch on bestowing knowledge on others is in your possession, this is for you. Lending a listening ear in a dignified manner does not make you any less of a person.. if anything the fact that a lowly student feels like they can approach you, if no one has told you this before, you are doing something right.


Okay, maybe I am overreacting. Actually, no, the cherry on top? He slid me some prized advice that I should email. Except I emailed at 3 p.m on Friday and I am  still waiting for someone to get back to me. No shade but the excuse I was met with was that we work Monday to Friday, aren't Monday mornings for responding to emails that were sent throughout the weekend? Yet they ask what is it with the public sector 

But, not anymore folks, turns out I was looking at the wrong list all along and I am happy to report that negativity made a stage left exit and I can go back to life as I know it, stress free. Well relatively.

Good riddance and,

Have a good one!


Saturday, 9 September 2017

Sam Smith, Senioritis, Self-care

Hey guys,

Long time no see. Like a reality show, I am all about confrontations. I started off strong (3 articles IS strong) on my little general election series I had going on and that fizzled down as fast as it started. If we are being brutally honest, I obviously can't reclaim the  past so here I am. But by no means am I trying to claim the future either. That boat has sailed well past the horizon.

My process when it comes to putting an article on here, is highly flawed. Flawed mostly because its output is nearly negligible. I go old school, I'm talking pen and paper, edit to the high heavens and then I type; in my opinion things tend to sound a lot different on paper than on screen so you know what ol' girl does? Edit. Again. By the time a post goes up, I'm pretty much over it and I have to say I single handedly  manage to take away the fun in my self expression. If the one thing that allows me to unplug is making me stressed out, I think it is safe to say that, that beats the purpose my friend.

So, again,here I am but this time I am taking the plunge and just writing from the noggin. And let me tell you, there's a difference.

I am trying to introduce a little segment here, I am also trying to give it a catchy name; Ramblings, Musings, Random Thoughts just won't make the cut. Sorry. Not Sorry. Maybe I should be the edgy millenial and not "label" it, that way I go wherever the wave takes me. In essence I ruined this writing thing for myself when I decided to categorize every single thing that went on here. If I was into a tune it could only fit in the Media Monday box, into a book- a book review and anything else I was damned straight scared to put out if it did not fit into Working Girl Chronicles or Surviving College. Now that I know how ridiculous that was it all comes to an end today. Rather, the more efficient way of doing it would be to categorize after the article has gone up or better yet just leave it suspended in blogosphere limbo. Certainty is overrated after all.

Circa 2014, Sam Smith "In the Lonely Hour" the album, came out. I didn't even have to look that up. I don't know about you but that just goes to show the level of in-love I was with that album. Yesterday Sam Smith did it again, Too Good at Goodbyes. I tend to have this phobia where if I was in absolute love with you, your sound, your album even a cameo in a music video or a t.v series then you go on a hiatus and suddenly make a comeback, I'm not brave enough to listen to you at the very moment you drop a single or an album. It took me what feels like years to listen to Adele's-Hello, Chance the Rapper-Same Drugs (I know it was on the album but the video dropped sometime later and I was not having it). Simply, because well, you are only as good as your last hit or album and I am not taking anything subpar. I would rather remember you in all your glory. I think that's fair? No?

But,I can't explain it. This morning, I made the bold step and searched, 'Sam Smith'. That was big for me, call it what you want, melodrama or whatever but he is back. Badder,better and I am ready for the album.

In other news I have officially been in college for a record 5 years. And counting. My friend Lena and I have this ongoing joke that I have a career as a student, I am beginning to think that I am well past the career phase and might as well just call it a profession. This week the reality of my tenure as a collegiate hit me hard. 3 days into the new semester and I was just about ready to call it quits. If we are being completely honest, the whole supervisor-final project fiasco is what is making me uneasy, to say the least.

Going on a rant would be a dream but in the spirit of adulting, maybe not, I have done enough of that this week. I just want to have a smooth ride while doing my Research Paper, that is all. 

Word on the street, my supervisor has a reputation and that gives me a whole lot of anxiety. But I am neck deep in this degree and I have no choice but to swim for dear life.

With all this anxiety from school and work,

Okay pause.

My job gives me no anxiety at all. Anybody could do it with their eyes closed, not to play it down or anything but it is some pretty straight forward stuff. However, I just don't like the people I have to work with.Scratch that, I just don't like what they do. I mean there is a whole lot of underlying stuff, a whole lot,  a tonne. A bunch of unmet expectations but I made quite the discovery sometime back. The older you get, the less brave you are to admit that you do not like somebody or something, now, there has to be a reason, we have to build up to the dislike. I am not your traditional people person, I feel no need to send pleasantries your way every waking moment through pointless conversation. If you instigate it though, I'll entertain it, by all means.

I tried the whole personable character thing but when everyone comes at you over-dressed in the season's finest attitude problem and then decide to amplify it, I will let you know, I have no time.

I'll spill the tea sometime  but for now how do I cope you ask?

Hair. I hate the moniker self-care, rather it sounds or sounded pretentious. If you are going to treat yourself just do it; stuff your face with some junk food and ice cream for dessert, give yourself a spa day, get your brows done, buy yourself something you don't need, eat out, heck take yourself out on a date. But you have got to agree with me, it stops being self care when it's overdone. Now that I have sounded it out, it's not pretentious,  it's abuse of a word that's meant to help the tough get going, provide a temporary solace, be your pause button, your get-away from reality, for me a coping mechanism.

Let me just shamelessly plug myself in here; I have an Instagram dedicated to all things that involve my hair. Vain? Yes. Highly satisfying? Very. I can flat twist, twist, cornrow, braid my own hair until the small hours of the morning. In tow I usually like to listen to a  podcast, play a Youtube vid, indie artist, movie, reality show or go old school with it and watch a nineties black sitcom or an eighties/nineties movie or be your basic Nairobi girl and play some Naija tunes and a smidgen of NuNairobi. 4c hair takes hours and those few hours of me and my tresses every few weeks makes all the difference.

It didn't occur to me that this was my way of hitting pause until I read this Teen Vogue article and realized how much I relate. For three years I haven't stepped foot in a salon except only to get my brows done and that just happened this year. But now it is more than that,at first, it was just fun, then it evolved to serving a more functional purpose and now it's a skill and I realize I'm onto something.

Have a good one!