Thursday, 2 November 2017

When are you most happy?

Once upon a time I was watching Oprah's Super Soul Sundays, to be honest I probably watched a snippet of it. It was the episode with Pharrell Williams, Oprah asked him how did 'Happy' come to him, you know, the song. He gave a simplistic answer, in the shower. They then go on this intellectual rambling about how the best ideas come in the shower, Pharell being the the genius he is says it's because of sensory deprivation.

He probably read up on it, I haven't since, but I had the idea to write this post and the idea, though it didn't come in the shower, it came as I was washing Sunday  dinner dishes. Which, is better than nothing especially considering the Nairobi water situation in this great city in the sun.

For the past few weeks, I have been putting myself out there, applying for jobs in writing and even went as far as applying for a Google Business Internship. Weeks have passed and there has been no feedback, no email,no phone call, nothing. I've got to put the tough guy moniker a side and be real with myself, shots have been fired at my ego and the wounds left behind are becoming septic.

I can't help but think that I am the problem, was my CV too long? too short? no umph factor? or I just don't got it anymore. I am still keeping the faith, that it's all a case of speaking too soon, I haven't seen nothing yet, the best is yet to come, I put in the work. However as the days go by, it's becoming harder to keep my optimism up. It's even getting harder to pick up my Bible every morning. I figure what's the point? I am keeping my end of the bargain on this walk of faith, well not all the way but I am entitled to a grand gesture of gratitude. Yes, I am aware of how cocky that sounds.

Why do I feel like this? Simply put, dissatisfaction. I have enough, no, more than I could ever ask for but counting my blessings isn't exactly serving the purpose it used to. It came to me on Sunday evening that I have all the wrong reasons for wanting what I want, mostly running away from something, dodging the problem by all means. Of course, I am not about to air my dirty linen in public, well, not yet and dirty linen isn't the best description but I did put my finger on it.

Focus on the negative has never helped anyone and I have the funny feeling that I won't be the first to turn that around.

So, I asked myself, When am I most happy?

When I don't have school or work or both the next day

When I discover a new band/artiste/song/album

When I  post on this blog

When I'm just about to hit the sack

When I'm eating junk food, fries all day, everyday

When I wake up in the middle of the night, look at my clock and still have 5 hours of sleep to go before my alarm goes off

When I get off work early

When I get validation; a call back, response to an email, a compliment,a like, comment, DM

When I'm working towards something I enjoy and the thrills and what-ifs that come with it

When I wake up early and seize the day

When I cross out the last thing on my to do list

When I find just the write piece to fit into my room's aesthetic

When my Dad sends me money on a whim

When my Mom washes the dishes for me on Friday nights

When I'm home alone

When I have another semester under my belt, that's closer to graduation

When I close my browsers tabs for a unit I was studying for or an assignment I was working on after submission

When I'm having lunch with the crew

When I will figure out the same page me and God are supposed to be on

When I find a worthwhile series

When I'm watching 80s movies

When I'm roasting the sister or just being downright outrageous

When I have freshly washed hair

When my eyebrows have the perfect arch to them

When free time is free time and not procrastination

When I find the perfect thrift-find

When I find something in stock that I could have bet was already sold

In my imagination

When I'm having iced/creamed cake

When my hair will grow past my mid-back if it's even mid-back given my recent trim

When I watch an animation or throwback cartoon

When I do something unlike me like smile at a stranger, make eye contact with a neighbor, say hey to an acquaintance, make small talk

When I come up with blog ideas

When I'm proved wrong only in certain situations

When I remember something funny

When I'm watching Dj Shiti on Real Househelps of Kawangware

When I make a new friend

When it all makes sense

When it will all come together

When I will find my purpose

When I figure out why God said 'no' to something I prayed about

I guess the answers to the question is away of putting things into perspective for yours truly,  helping put my priorities right and soul search a wee bit. Not, just jump into all things shimmery and shiny without so much as a thought of where I am from, where I am going, why I am going there. This must be God's ingenious way of telling me to figure out the why and He will figure out the how. A life with purpose not just a hapless paper chase. Appreciating and marinating my present state and not making a quick get away with every chance I get, there is a lesson in everything and trying to fast-track the process must be taking away from it as a whole.

The long and short of it, I don't have to  like where I am at but there is a reason behind it. I could appreciate the situation but again, I don't have to like it, some good has come of it after all and I just have to sit here and wait for my big break.

Have a good one, I know I will!

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