Saturday, 13 June 2015

Surviving College: The Worst Five Minutes of My Existence Yet

It's been a century ey?

I trust you are having yourself one hell of a weekend. Let’s take it up a notch  as I tell you about my Moot Court experience from hell. I guarantee a few laughs if dark comedy is your cup of tea, because this, this was a dark experience.

Quick explanation on my one week or so hiatus, it all came down to Thursday 11th June midday. All Africa Moot Court internal rounds. There were hiccups along the way, major  and minor ones at that. These were probable warning signs, “Don’t do it!” that’s just paranoia talking. Yeah, it wasn’t.

I would like to tell you about the moments that led up to the most treacherous five minutes of my life, but that would postpone my embarrassment which you are probably aching to know by now.

My name just had to be the first on that list. I would be arguing the first issue, only problem is I was prepared for the third and fourth. In fact I was beyond prepared. The relevant law was on my finger tips, the relevant articles in the African Charter were mastered, international declarations and resolutions were in the bag, I had historical facts up my sleeve, Heck! I even had a quote that was for sure going to blow the judges away. My argument for luck of a better term was going to be …fire.

The only thing “fire” about my little situation because it was definitely no argument was how I crushed and burned, into ashes. My introduction was pathetic, let’s just keep in mind that the term pathetic in this situation is mild. There was no strong start, in fact  there was nothing strong about those five minutes, don’t keep your hopes up, don’t even have your fingers crossed.

Remembering the whole ordeal is painfully embarrassing. The memory sends me into few bouts of shortness of breath, but writing is risky business and my readers are worth the risk.

Quoting an article from the African Charter sent me on a downward spiral and the beginning of the end could not have been  clearer. At that moment I felt my eyes well up, yup the water works were on the brink of being turned on and it had nothing to do with the case Blyth v Birmington Waterworks that I would have cited. Besides being on the verge of letting my emotions get the utmost best of me, my temperature either dropped or rose maybe even both. All I know is if I was a couple of shades lighter, I would have probably turned berry red. All the while, I had goose bumps all over me, the hairs at the back of my neck were doing over time standing at attention and my hands were cold, ice cold.

All the while questions were coming at me left right and centre. You know how questions usually have answers, my mind changed it up and instead of answers, blank stares were the name of the game. It gets worse the language of the court also known as the fancy language used among those in the legal fraternity went out of the window. Everything and anything I said warranted a question, it is at these points that I should have just shut up.

Disappointing yourself is one thing , disappointing yourself in front of a good number of people is another. My situation was the latter. The icing on the cake, no? My five minutes were up and so was my life as I know it.

When I went back to my seat after that terrifying , humiliating, self-esteem, depriving, grueling experience the first thing I thought, I kid you not was, “Well won’t this make for an epic read.” I also thought of wimpering in the corner or finding a hole to bury myself in as I waited for my impending death. The long walk home would be far from therapeutic if anything it would amplify my fail not to mention how the weather was an accurate reflection of my exact sentiments; glum, gloom, grey, cold and lonely. 

For the past few days I have just wallowed in my own pool of misery reliving the humiliation over and over again. I would like to say that the world has since come to a standstill as I cope with this traumatic experience but if you’re still moving, you guessed it, nothing and no one stopped even for a split second, as  Chris Cooper finely put it in The Company Men. 

My weekend is usually laundry, lounging and literature now I get to throw in looking past this. Feel free to re-read this post if you ever feel the need to feel better about yourself.

Have a good one!

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