Night

It's pretty hard writing this. I'm not particularly sure why I'm even forcing myself to do this. For closure maybe.

Death is so cruel. It turns your world completely upside down but the worst part is, life is the complete opposite, it just keeps moving, stopping for no one. Today, that makes me so angry.

You were my number 2 cheerleader when I almost got into ALA, of course dad takes first place when I thought I was the change that Africa needs. Maybe even the best thing since Madiba.

You opened your home to Sakii, Mom, Dad and I giving us one of the best Christmases ever down south,

The black forest cake we had for breakfast and you even let Dad watch his cartoons,

 You came through with the festivities, from the food, to the party and the friends you helped us make while we were there.


And what about the time you asked if you could bring me back some McDonalds but I couldn't say yes because Mom kept giving me 'the look' and the jeans you gave me because they couldn't fit you,

Post-visit, you always asked when we'd go back.

When Dad has a business trip coming your way, you always came through with the gifts and always asked if we 1. liked them 2. if they fit. We all know it's all about how it looks on, never about it fitting right

Now, what if he comes back with the wrong-sized clothes?

Who will be among the top 10 participants on the family Whatsapp group? Top 2 is already taken by Mom and Dad

I can hardly bring myself to think about Christopher. He just turned 11 and to have this happen to him. I'm sure he is a strong young man but out of all of us he could have used you a little longer.

In a few months he'll have to mark the first Christmas without you, that just cuts me up inside

All his ever known is Jozi, I can't imagine him anywhere else. Pretty sure Zoro will hold it down but what if we never see him again?What if he'll never know us beyond knowing you?

We both know,  I don't call the shots in this family but I know whatever decision is made it will be for the best  and in your honour

Now whose going to be on Chris about making his bed the "right" way or tell us about him being the best in his Afrikaans class?

I feel so selfish now, having bawled my eyes out for you and I'm twice his age, I wish I so much as thought about him, said a prayer for him even 

 I'll  keep him in my prayers, everyday, no matter which way

It wasn't meant to go down like this. You're the youngest. This isn't the order we were prepared for.

I needed to buy black flats but not wear to a funeral, no less yours 

I remain angry, I don't understand. I mean we were never 'traditionally' close but you still meant a tonne to me 

I didn't want the last time I see you to be in a casket, I didn't want the first time back home in two years for me to be for a funeral, your funeral

You weren't supposed to come back like this

It has never been this quiet at home, even though you're presence was miles away your absence is making a mark

You'll be in good hands; Babu and Dani are up there so is Sport, Mama Pipi and Taabu

I'm worried for Dad, please look after him while you're up there

Us, we have each other,

Rest easy Aunt Night.