Second thoughts

In true human narcissistic fashion I went through my own blog and wouldn't you know it, last year I had a whopping 38 blog posts go up. Ironically, that may have been when  I was at my busiest. I had assignments coming at me left, right and centre most, if not all  of them being group assignments which are always "double the fun",work, exams, sit-in tests. Life was a continuous ball of stress yet somehow I refused to go down without a fight. By somehow, I mean there were a bunch of unprecedented school breaks, code for, lecturers' strikes which had me sitting around with a lot of free time in my hands.

Fast forward to 2018, we sure are nowhere close to 38 posts, I don't even think we are in the double digits. Explanation? I had this grand post-fourth year plan; I would be writing every day, delve into the world of Youtube with a couple of hair related videos, possibly booktube, embark on a couple of crafts sewing, knitting,embroidery the whole nine yards. Now that I think about it, the free time that I had as a first year in university and the free time I have as a possible university graduate, though still ideally free time, could not be more different. For one, I now have a job and there just isn't as much leeway as I had once imagined. The long and short of it, I haven't been quite the spot I imagined I would be, possibly because I didn't factor in my new normal, plain and simple I am a self confessed lazy bone and for a scalding hot minute, nearly all my devotionals have had the verse,"Be still and know that I am God" which is, I don't know, God trying to get me to pump the breaks on my plans and have a little sit down with Him. It is getting a little hard to discern which voice is which, am I holding myself back  and masking it in all manner of excuses? Is there a greater purpose to this lull?

For now, I do know that for sure that this period of nothingness, dare I call it idleness is making me question a whole lot especially around the great career debacle.

It is safe to say that for a long time the legal world, at least to me lost its pizzazz, in fact I can hardly remember the last time that it had that je ne sais quoi, that thing that would make all the all-nighters, all the frustrating group assignments, all the hot afternoon lectures worth it. I started going through the motions sooner than I intended, as hard as it is to admit maybe this law degree was not written in the stars for me.

A great source of my drive was my grades, if they were good, I knew that even the Chief Justice had nothing on me, I was a power house. If they were bad and trust me, I have seen a fair share of bad grades I thought of throwing out the  whole damn degree, all of it. Mostly though, they have been mediocre, on the real, who aims for mediocrity in the first instance? On the flip side there are units that for sure, I knew I would come out on the other side with either a very strong E or by the mercies and graces of the Lord a D but have come out unscathed with a C. Worse still, I have been reduced to praying for Ds because just the thought of failing a single unit and having to restart from square one with course facilitators who are far from fine and dandy, is enough to have me laying prostrate on the ground begging for academic mercies.

So my passion is at an all time low, my grades are barely hanging in there, by my standards at least, the only legal experience I have is a two month compulsory stint at the law courts, could things be looking any worse? The answer is, well, yes.  If all goes according to plan and the first Friday of December sees me donning a cap and gown, then the obvious course of action is Kenya School of Law of course I am jumping the gun here. I first have to have all my results, then apply to Kenya School of Law, get accepted, then on February 4th it all begins again.

The reality is, my world is not going to shatter into a million little pieces if everything doesn't  go according to plan, don't  get me wrong now, graduation 2018 just has to happen and if everything else falls into plan ... I'll be a happy camper. However, everything else outside of my field of study couldn't be glistening any brighter and chile, 2018 is the year of shooting your shot, not only in the DMs but also on the career front. I am sending my resume to positions that spike my interest in Naija Twitter spirit,"Whatever e hit, e hit" though I have gotten nothing but auto-response emails, there's something liberating about non conformity, veering off the tarmac and roughing it. Of course there can only be one happy ending here anything outside of the positive will be heartbreak.

Only the course of time will tell,

Thanks for listening!