Purpose

This evening I had a Mia Thermopolis moment. Let me explain.  Mia, for non-diehards of the Princess Diaries series is the princess of Genovia. She wasn't always a princess, she was your typical nerd, dork,whatever you may call her; she had that big poofy hair, thick framed glasses and named her Mustang, 'The Stang'. As you would expect she wasn't the most popular girl in high school, so much so, once while siting down to have her lunch, somebody sat on her. So besides being a dweeb she also was, invisible. So invisible in fact, she told her best friend Lilly, "Somebody sat on me again," this incident was borderline, a norm. I wouldn't describe myself as a nerd, dork or dweeb, neither would Mia,but tonight when waiting for my bus, the air humid and wet, I could feel the 4c hair on my scalp awaken  its inner frizz which only spells trouble come tomorrow mornng. Life isn't an all the way bust but it's getting there. Three very giddy folks decided to have a whole conversation not beside me, not behind but smack dab in front of me, complete with shrill laughter I am convinced that I might as well be her 2K18 update. Whatever happened to social cues? If that's too much to ask for, maybe let's scale down to good manners. Everyone has those right? However with each passing day I can't help but reel in the presence of my self awareness which has been on a recent come up. To get myself out of that uncomfortable situation I simply took a step to the side, and wham! no longer a problem .

On the real though, let's talk about purpose. I never can help but feel just a tad bit jealous of people who have it figured out. People who have sieved their wants from their don't wants and are tirelessly working towards their wants no matter the cost. See, today I had to troop my little self to school to follow up on some not so fun stuff. I met with a friend who was in the same shoes, probably even larger, but that is besides the point.

Now this individual is confident. So yeah, we all want to graduate and get out of this so-called world class institution, who doesn't?  But she couldn't be stressed over the elephant in the room, Kenya School of Law. Her resolve? She isn't going, its something she thinks she will do much later in her life.

At this point, you are probably thinking, so what? Well, hers is a resolve of purpose. She said she prayed to God for purpose and sure enough she can't help but sit firm and upright on her decision. Besides purpose she's married the drive that comes with that , throwing herself in to her newly found passion.

I can't help but wonder, at what point is God, at least in my life, going to bless me with a crystal clear sense of purpose? Has he already and now we are both posted up just waiting for me to take the plunge? Is there a period that I should have been praying for purpose, so that it struck just at the right time? When was this time? Shouldn't there have been some sorta grace period between the grand revelation that I simply don't enjoy this field and the  resolve? 

All this mental back forth just to amplify that I am still going to be that predictable human who will take the path that offers the widest safety net.

Thanks for listening!