Do I really want it that bad?

Have you ever wondered why for some people everything comes so easy, so natural and then there's you rather, then, there's me. Yes, guys, we are just going to dive straight into it, bitterness and jealousy in tow.

Aren't you guys glad that this blog has taken the course it has? I am no longer debutantly stiff serving a Stepford wife demeanor complete with a pearl necklace wringing my neck. Now, although late to the party, being unfiltered is so much easier ,in fact, therapeutic.

Any who, social media. I have always thought it to be vain, narcissistic and I am pretty vocal about that. But deep, deep, deep inside, I just want to be considered an influencer but most importantly I want the lax and the perks that come with it,  all of it. A lot of the influencers I consider to be the top dogs had quite the head start. Facebook. By the time I was signing up for it in August of 2011, everyone else was already on to the next one; Twitter and what not, using lingo like "What's your Twitter handle?" like they were to good for username.  By the time I was joining Instagram, they were already in the hundreds when it came to the number of followers they had. I just clocked 300 the other day and have been bouncing around 298-305 for a minute now. It sounds vain and shallow. There is really no better way of putting it. One of my legitimate worries when it comes to this thing called life is my social media. Ah, the troubles of a millenial.

But the reason why this social media thing is doing my head in dates back to the beginning of this year, to be exact Christmas Day 2016. Two years before I was really getting into this natural hair thing, not so much for the fad it was, mostly for the functionality. I was discovering that black women were doing their hair on their own straight down to box braids, Havana twists, weaves it was the dawn of a. new world. The major selling point, putting a cap on the never ending trips to the salon letting this sista save a coin. You know me, I'm as frugal as they come, I jumped on the bandwagon so fast. A few months into it, I was making moves, executing Youtube tutorials on my tresses. My hairstyles didn't go unnoticed I would get complements left, right and centre. At the time there weren't too many natural hair influencers on the Kenyan scene as they are now.  I would say our Naptural85 was hands down our Kurly Kichana. I thought one was enough especially when my cousin suggested I should take up blogging my hair journey and boy was I wrong. You know what's worse though? The sting of a lost opportunity years later.

Back to Christmas Day 2016, this marked the beginning of Eddiesfro. I didn't still don't have a fancy camera or bourgeoisie products like the legit natural hair movers and shakers. I thought I had a killer bantu knot out which I had slaved away at for most of Christmas Eve. After taking a bunch of selfies which were never going to see the light of day, I jumped in both feet no looking back and wouldn't you believe that the first post on my account was reposted on Kenya's premier natural hair product line Marini Naturals. It was at that moment that I knew I was the new naturalista on the block. I was expecting all sorts of things; followers, likes stacked up to the ceiling, freebies, reposts, a feature on 4chairchicks and any other natural hair page you can think off. 10 months in,and all of it has happened except of course for the freebies. It's happened alright, just not at the rate I want it.

Just under a month ago, one of the co-founders of the Instagram account taking Nairobi by storm and whom I happened to got to high school with,  started their Instagram account, LocLife. And in just under a month homegirl last I checked had 800+ followers, I don't even want to think about what that translates to in likes and they are already collaborating with Marini Naturals. Let me repeat it in case you didn't follow this is all in under a month's work.

I took a long hard look at myself to figure out why I wasn't raking it up like she is. For one, Loclife is an investment. They have proper head shots, I have self-timed selfies. One of them is already considered a social media personality, I think we already have established that I am a far cry from that. They have a Youtube channel, I have just been asked severally if I had plans to go that route eventually, for the record the answer is I don't know. At a glance it doesn't look like it but they are putting in the work and I guess in return it is handsomely paying off.

So, yeah, I want it all but I could really care less about putting in the same amount of work and dedication they are. Therefore, the big question is do I really want it that bad?

When I got into it, I was in it for all the wrong reasons. I was out here looking to bump Sheila Ndinda out of her natural hair high chair and make myself queen. I figured out real soon that that was not going to happen. Doing it or anything matter for notice or to gain a level of popularity can only get you so far. Only recently did I start doing it as a hobby, as genuine fun and interest which took quite the load off. It's no longer about the  number of followers or likes, reposts or features. Don't get me wrong if the numbers sky rocket I will definitely not be mad at that. As self entitled as I am, I figure I will only enjoy the success they have if and only if I am truly deserving. God's timing, will and that.

The lesson here, I am really good at jumping to conclusions, assuming everything comes easy yet these people are putting in the work, no doubt. I am also good at being self entitled. Basing a whole lot on commitment and consistency forgetting the secret ingredient, hard work. I may also be absolutely terrified of getting out of my comfort zone which is what hard work here would mean; photo shoots, outfit changes, bigger audiences. I am beyond sure this would bare fruitful results but would I really go the whole nine yards getting a photographer, scouting a location, spending a pretty penny, having a couple of outfit changes, overcoming a case of camera shyness all in the name of a number of likes? No thanks, I'll settle for my camera phone (once I get it) and maybe add a smidgen of variety here and there posting a sappy quote, a flat lay because Lord knows I am into those, a Boomerang and abuse Instastories.

Now that I think about it, yes, I have been wanting it bad. Just not exactly what they have. I am just out here looking for a cheap thrill.

Have a good one!