'What is your relationship with money?'

asked Fran, one third of The Friendzone trio.

Sometimes you are living a perfectly normal life, going about your daily grind, feeling alright maybe even good, for the most part and then its mid week,the Friendzone podcast latest episode goes up and that wellness section often has you questioning if you are in fact living life right.

Side bar, The Friendzone goes down in my books as one of the best podcasts on my radar. When I first started listening to it, it was out of the excitement of having an Apple device which as consumerist as it sounds was a 'life long ' dream of mine. 'Life long' because we all know Apple products haven't been around a lifetime and the prestige associated with the Apple brand only cropped up with the dawn of these fangled things, apps; Instagram, Snapchat, Musical.ly (for the children) and the reality on the ground these only became 'it' things in the second decade of the 2000s. I guess its safe to say that, life long would be pushing it.

While we are on the topic of podcasts that are on my radar, while maintaining that The Friendzone holds down the number one spot, to flush out earworms and get you on some wholesome vibes; Jesus and Jollof is hilarious, Dax Shepherd Armchair Expert is a good listen, Oprah Super Soul Sundays? Come on, you see the name Oprah, you give it a try, Where Should We Begin? is straight up juicy. Of course there are a tonne of other podcast that are out there, whole genres in fact on crime and life behind bars for instance , that, at least for me, have since shone a whole new perspective on a bunch of things over the past year.

On one of their past episodes, in Fran's wellness section, she posed a question to the listeners and of course Dustin and Assante. What is your relationship with money? It was either that or how do you view money or what is your view on money maybe even your attitude towards money. Dustin and Assante pretty much had the same answer, they view it as a means of getting by, no more, no less. They don't glorify it, they don't associate with problems, its just a means that allows them to meet their wants and needs. Interestingly, I said, of course I wasn't on the show, but if I could I would prefer not to think about it, its a rather uncomfortable topic for me especially when we have to label it with hardcore, rigid numbers.

If you think about it, money is all about labels, quite literally price tags with numbers that I often think I can't afford, it  tends to define a person and their choice of life be it the type of education they have, the clothes you wear, the car you drive, where you live, no matter what you look at, more often than not, you will find money playing the background. I look at it as a restriction, the more you have the better placed you are. Of course, the less you have...

What is the point of all this wittering on and on about a cringe worthy topic? Turns out, women, are more likely to have a skewed outlook on money than men. Quite frankly, that isn't surprising after taking Gender and the Law this past semester. Looking at it from a gender and labor perspective relating it to the world today, which is a far cry from yesteryears, women and men's pay are not equal, women in most developing nations are often the bread winners and even where households have more than a single income, women, are often the ones tasked with stretching a coin as far as it can go.

Maybe then, women do have a right to have a bit of an attitude problem towards money. Fran, however, is on to something, changing your whole perspective on your outlook towards money could be a game changer. So I guess for me the first step would be separating self worth from  money, after all is said and done it is first and foremost a means to an end not vice versa, there's so much more in between, dare I say more worth my while than thinking about that pesky constant, money. Once it plays its role, that's as far as my financial thought process will go. Creating all the theatrics around it,only does more harm than good to my mental health, and who in the hell wants a musty brain? I sure don't.

Have a good one!

Let's Talk

This past Friday I was feeling rather down on myself. I hate to start this post on a Debbie Downer but I need an outlet and this is it. I think reality just hit me like it never has before. It got me thinking, when I was eighteen if someone would have told me that within five years a lot of drastic changes would happen; my mom retiring, my dad following suit soon after, my sister getting married, logically, I guess I would have believed them. I mean technically speaking, the only way is up, progress if you will;  you work then you retire, you go to school, graduate then if all goes according to plan, first comes love, then comes marriage...you know the drill.

What I don't understand is why inner me is acting sidelined by all this. There was no blind spot,  no sharp left turn yet here I am feeling all, well, unprepared. I feel entitled to be figuring out the unchartered path of my twenties but my current and future responsibilities just, will not let me be great.

See, the way I am looking at it is once my sister gets married, life changes significantly for the both of us. She will have her share of responsibilities and so will I. Once shared house bills, in my case will fall solely on my shoulders. Given, the refuse and trash collection, security and water bill all come down to 1300/-, not too bad if you are holding down a stead hustle with a steady income. Kenya, though is the land of the unexpected, I know this year for instance one of those bills went up by one hundred shillings. I get the whole inflation argument, however the gag is late last year there was a ban on plastic bags, now some refuse collection companies may be providing bin liners as part of the package deal, while others are operating  under the assumption that provided the liners are not biodegradable, its bye-bye bin liners and hello creativity of the consumer on how they will line their bin. Pray tell then why the bill should go up by a hundred shillings. Yes, this purely could be a rant stemming from bitterness that gives bile a run for its money, from a person who pays a bill that is under a thousand shillings, an expense no matter what angle you look at it from but I am not exactly getting ,'a world class service in return' .

Do not get me started on the water bill. I see Nairobi Water personnel faithfully coming to read the metre, I see them cornered by residents in my neighbourhood, my mom included asking why they even bother with the monthly rounds yet only provide a few hundred litres of water tops to a neighbourhood with a few hundred homes. And that isn't even the half of it, because we are human, with basic human needs, need I mention food, water and shelter nearly everyone has been forced to dig even deeper into their already empty pockets, I am speaking for myself here, and outsource a water supply. Water companies are making an absolute killing in some parts of Nairobi all at the expense of desperate taxpayers.

There used to be talk of feeling the pinch and darned it, I never thought I'd see the day that the pinch would have its way with me.#Adulting.

This year I started it on a high of sorts. Sorts because my festive season was spent with my nose in books, studying for exams, writing research papers and gearing up for a semester which little did I know would be the hardest yet, riddled with strikes, moody lecturers, failed units(yes, that did happen), untaught units, name an academic misfortune and you can count your lucky stars that somebody in a public tertiary institution was on the receiving end. I did look forward to the fact that it would all be over soon, all of it, school come mid-June and work in December.

I refuse to let go of this plan, rather, refused to let go. I was literally holding on to the work plan by a split hair strand. When things got tough at work at least in the first quarter of the year, my happy place would be just the thought of December and pressing send on that resignation letter. This plan was leak proof, probably even air tight, I had even slotted in a month's worth of rest before I joined KSL. Man, I was dreaming big, this may have been my idea of a perfect world.

The more familiar I get with the year, the more vivid the realities of finances become. Now that I think about it, I've been tooting my horn a little bit too much and a little bit too loud about how financially,  I got this. I've got a bit stashed here, a bit stashed there enough to tide me through the 18 month process of becoming an Advocate of the High Court. I may be dead wrong.  January me didn't take into account that a lot of variables would change absolutely everything. Present me on the other hand is almost certain that a rush decision is definitely going to have me singing a different financial tune.

Now, my mind is bouncing of the walls thinking of a future that with the wrong move may have in a bit of a pickle. Since venting out these frustrations, I don't think the problem is the money, the responsibilities or the new normal that will be my everyday routine if everything goes according to plan, I think it's the anxiety leading up to these things.

There are a couple of solutions; wait it out, see how things pun out, after all I've got an okay thing going for me. The only problem with this solution is that I have just about had enough of myself not looking forward to clocking in, feeling like I am shortchanging myself and sometimes even overlooked. The next best thing then clearly would be, buckling down and besides doing the bare minimum of bookmarking jobs that tickle my fancy, go the whole nine yards and send out applications. Pretty taxing I'll admit and I can think of a whole load of cons to this solution but I don't want to be one to shoot down an idea even before its taken flight considering the circumstances.

Its not all black and white, and I doubt if it ever will be. Unfortunately, I can't say that I feel even a little bit lighter but I do know that the problem is anxiety, the only thing I can do, deal with what can be dealt with now and as for the future we will figure it out when we get there.

P.S The Notebook quotes are still coming , until then

Have a good one!

  

Book Review: The Notebook

I thought that I would be on a roll since I am in this uncertain in between of not having any academic tie-downs, I thought that the blog posts would be dropping on the daily, well, I thought wrong. I am not sure what it is, but its been just over a month since I wrote  my last exam, of course, it didn't hit me until I walked through the gates of my neighbourhood that the reality of what seemed to be a far-fetched wrap was here. Now a little older, a  little wiser, I didn't expect anyone to make a national day out of it neither did I expect a firework charade or something of that calibre, however its only dawned on me that making a time, occasion or celebration out of it would have been instrumental in marking a smooth transition into all this free time I have.

Enough about me and my over-the -top thoughts  we haven't had a book review on this space for eons. Excited though unprepared, but excited, lets?

Nicholas Sparks has his works strewn all over Nairobi, at least by the outdoor book vendors. Last Friday this couldn't have been more apparent. I got to town insanely early, too early for my shift at least and I was determined to kill as much time as time would allow for. Even after running errands that I thought undoubtedly would keep me busy as can be and ordinarily would have taken long, wouldn't you know it, the one time I did have the time to wait in line, the service on  the other end of the line was on a record breaking high, efficient as can be. I was still determined to clock in at my prescribed time, any earlier? Uh, I think not. What better way to waste time than reading blurbs of books with no intention of making a purchase. I made my way to my little oasis, 'Lit. Street' as I like to call it, not really, but it does have a cool ring to  it and as lack would have it(it was also the end of the month) there was a sale and a good one at that, 50% off. I managed to score A Raisin in The Sun, some book about Chinese women and radio interviews during the height of Communist China (the title escapes me for now so we are just going to have to bare with that spectacularly vague description)  and The Notebook which though not on sale I just had to have.

It is coming across that I am a die hard Nicholas Sparks superfan when in reality I find him rather cheesy. But, answer me this would you ignore the guy that tinsel town seems to be head over hills in love with, writer of Dear John, The Last Song and of course The Notebook all cult classics in their own respect? Thought so.

I had watched The Notebook a handful of times at the on set of my teenage years, I hardly remember it although I like to think that I have alternate recollections of it. With such a 'solid' foundation I was only reading it for formality purposes, or so I thought.


The book begins in the sunset years of one elderly man who has since transitioned into a senior citizens home. Despite knowing that it is only a matter of time before he and life can part ways he finds purpose in poetry not as a poet himself but as a reader of poems of poets of the yesteryears. His true purpose however lies in reading a story found in a notebook that is heavily centered around a 1940s summer love,the lives of these lovers after and a love never lost to his love, everyday as long as he can help it.

Right out the gate, besides being quite the page turner, picked up on Monday finished on Wednesday, my eyes welled up quite a bit so yes it was a beautiful read. However, it was a rather fictitious read, a bit, too good to be true. In the book the only gaps in their love were the rich girl-poor boy conundrum, unfortunately I was looking for an argument, some discord here and there, it was all just a little bit too fine and dandy for me, not too sure what that says about me as a person, should I lay off The ShadeRoom for a minute since I am always scouting for tea? But that is beside the point.

Yes, I realize that the years spent apart were meant to be the, go figure, gap in the relationship and there is a lot that changes within those years; deaths, new love and lust, forgotten passions.

I might as well throw it in there that my teenage self was all the way giddy because  I knew that once the rain would come the sex scene would come with it or as Nicholas Sparks would say, make passionate love. It is a good three maybe three and a half pages long, would I say it hisses steam? Yes.  I have read steamier, we probably all have, but something out of the 1940's and 1950's I mean a millenial description today would probably be scandalous then.

If you ever have an uneventful couple of days ahead of you like a long weekend or that period between Christmas and New Years where you really don't know what to do with yourself, you thought it was a bit too early to be talking about Christmas yet we are on the eighth month of 2018 huh? This I would a 100% per cent recommend to curl up to and just entirely lose yourself in especially in the Kenyan winter that was/is, you and I both don't know what the Mother Nature has up her sleeve for the Nairobi weather.

Since I enjoyed this book as much as I did you can bet that a couple of quotes are soon to follow,

Have a good one!