You might want to sit for this one

There's an aroma of optimism in the air, So much so, that I have managed to see the silver lining in academic failure given that I have a solid four fails under my belt, and, having come out of one of them, well, alive I may have some nuggets of wisdom worth sharing. Surprise!  I am not an academic giant neither have I put up a front to suggest the same.

History has proven that I am in the business of taking Ls. I have suffered horrible class presentations, been what felt like the sole contributor to what was meant to be a group effort and worked on make or break assignments well past the wee hours of the morning in what can only be described as the joys and joys of seeking a higher education. In these situations, I have managed to come out with just enough to write home about other times, the level of injury, mostly mental, has been temporary and once a blue moon I come out on top. But what happens when you hit rock bottom? It is not just your fuel gauge reading E but your transcript as well.

You might want to sit for this one. Really sit with it, think about what could have possibly gone wrong, every single possibility that got you here is worth a quick ponder over. Steep in this for say a week, maybe, two. No longer.

In my experience, working through the pain of failure sooner rather than later, offers more benefits than shoving the very thought of studying to the furthest corner of my mind. For one, I have no option but to shift gear into P, for Panic early enough.

Compile your material from your first exam attempt in a bid to have a solid revision pack I am speaking to folk like me whose revision material is not central as it typically should be. Stationery becomes my bosom bud at this point; binders, dividers, flashcards, highlights, plenty of color gel pens. Order in these situations is more than welcome, comforting even. Think of it as having the vantage point with quite the view.

Map out your action plan. Whether it is to rewrite notes to give the old memory a jog, practice papers and be as specific as the tasks allow you to be, that way, nothing will be left to chance 

Get down to the real deal. You've got your plan, now, act on it. Have a schedule and stick to it. Cross off the tasks as you go.

Add on to your revision pack as you go eventually you will have a comprehensive reference point which you should know the ins and outs of. My personal goal is usually to be ready for the exam with nothing but time to spare.

I am currently in the throws of exam prep, solidifying a couple of things here and there. Though I cannot vouch for this tips to the death, why don't we compromise? Better work in progress than uncertainty, ey?  

Remembering you

I have been thinking long and hard about the trajectory of this blog. It started off with me narrating some of my less than stellar experiences, promptly followed by the lessons I learnt so that you wouldn't have to. In retrospect if I was to put a label on it, academic-lifestyle? I was on the up and up, a sense of progression. The organic progression should have been post-grad life. After all the lessons out of the classroom are far more invaluable than the ones inside. I had an audience, tangible at that, living, breathing people who visited this space, some on the regular, others, one post would have them tumbling down the literallylovely rabbit hole. A single DM here, an email there,  of someone who stumbled on this blog and thought, why not pay me a compliment.

Those really were the good times.

 The tone  has changed. Simply put, it seems I focus a lot more on what I do not have, what I am not and what I want.

Tonight though, let's revisit some of the past. Sure there is a lot I am not, but I need to remind myself what I am, and here is how you do that:

Acknowledge that you are reading a little bit too much into something that though mattering to you at that very moment, is just that a momentary thought.

Comparison may have stolen your joy. It sure has stolen some of my joy a couple of times. In these situations, I suggest have a long hard think with yourself, do you want because you want or do you want because others have?

Unplug. Remove yourself wholly and entirely from the situation that has brought about this unsettling feeling. For me, I find avoiding social media like the bubonic plague does the trick.

Remind yourself of what you like about yourself. It could be something as minuscule as drinking more water, sleeping a lot earlier, working out once a week or working out, period, or something major, like always finishing what you start or having an unwavering value system.

Find a healthy outlet to use as a sounding board. I am highly skeptical of people so I write, at least, sometimes, I do. Sometimes hearing or seeing the words stark naked in front of you offers a whole different perspective. 

Remember, you are doing nothing wrong. There is no blue print to doing life right, living it is just about enough.

Allow yourself to be (you're human, be) and question,why-them-and-not-me type thing, get angry if you must.

If these feelings do persist almost feeling like a nag, pray on it. Ask for it and brace yourself for the answer. Maybe what you want is coming your way just not at your earliest convenience.

Beyond Physical Social Distance

I have taken the plunge, for the next 21 days I will be Social Media free. No Twitter, sweet, sweet, Twitter and no more Instagram. It's been a few hours since I hit that log off button and it is safe to say that what I am experiencing now is a high, a possible adrenaline rush. The night routine is done, laundry is folded and the mythical load has been taken off.

I have found myself becoming some sort of slave to the screen. It is not an addiction at least, I don't think it is. This particular evening I found myself questioning my stance. Why do I only have X amount of followers? 341 to be exact. Why don't my posts get as many likes? Is my profile unlikeable? Does it not stand out?  The answers to these questions are actually quite easy, my posts are few and far between, my account is nowhere under the logarithm's radar. No visibility, no audience.

The big question though, why do I care? I am not looking to be some sort of social media guru/sensation.  I have remained authentic to me, from the streets to the timeline, it is the same me across the board, I figure if I like me then surely YOU (prospective follower) like me. It only makes sense, right? Wrong, dead wrong.

So, this is yet another episode of me being in my head a little more than I should. Any aspect of my life where I find myself scaling the ladder of social approval is the red zone, climbing further and further away from the comfort of me. I mean sure, on the way up there's progress here and there, hearing what I want to hear, seeing what I want to see only making myself clamour higher and higher with no summit in sight.

Slow and sure just isn't as appealing, part of the reason for the demise of my Youtube channel. The numbers next to the symbols should just be that, but somehow I have found myself swayed to the dark side, a regular player at the numbers game, yet another game where prowess is required, prowess only possessed by the chosen few.

Evidently, this is not a pleasant headspace to be in hence my reclaim over the reigns in my life. Will 21 days make everything okay? No, but it will offer a break to the ever running machine that is my mind, some perspective, a sense of clarity, control and  I will be more than happy to take all that and more, over constant doubt.

The idea will be to tap out of one vice (social media) and tap into a virtue. Be it writing on here, reading, watching, listening. Ideal living.